My dear earthly nymphs, you kind and warmhearted lovers, the reason I've spent so much time of late talking about separated men and divorced men--even though you're all grownups who no doubt have been separated or divorced yourselves-- is simply that I've been around a long time and know how it works. When the moment comes when we meet someone we click with--and it's a rare moment indeed--someone who, after all those dull dates and What Am I Doing Here? moments in bars and restaurants, actually seems like a next possible meaningful lover, we don't suddenly think, "Well he says he is, but is this wonderful man REALLY divorced? He acts free but is he REALLY free?" because it's the last thing we think about at that moment. We think about how amazing it is to connect. We figure, What would he be doing here with me if he weren't free to be here with me? Why would anyone go through this process otherwise? and let it go at that. In fact, who among us even stops to wonder whether he might even still be totally UNfree and happily living with his wife? No matter how much experience you have, no matter how many times you've done this--and I'm talking about being in your 60s as well as in your 20s--you simply think, Wow. This is great. This is a possibility. Let's go.
So I know I sound like a bore bringing up details like his marital status, but I've spent eons hearing sad stories that revolve around...his marital status. But just moments ago, a beautiful woman in love with a handsome, seemingly available man, called me from a plane headed toward St. John
"He's been on the phone for an hour with his wife."
"His ex-wife, you mean," I say. (You know me.)
"I assumed it was, but now I'm not so sure. He's crying."
"Maybe she met someone new and is about to marry him," I said hopefully.
"Suddenly I don't think so. I don't think so at all…..he keeps saying,
Darling, stop, stop, we'll work it out. Weeping."
"To you?"
"No, to her."
And so it goes. My dear friend forgot to ask earlier--like, months ago--whether he was still in love with his ex-wife, let alone burden him with the other detailed questions I've been talking about over the past week or so. She forgot to apply Shakespeare's line, "Appetite, a universal wolf," to the topic of sex and even relationships, not just food. She forgot that we all can want to have fun....and forget where are heart really lies.
Next time, though, we'll get off the subject of marriage and separation and divorce…..for the moment…..and talk about bachelors. Permanent bachelors. Stay tuned.
LG
Hi, where are you . . .
Posted by: amba | November 08, 2008 at 08:18 PM